“Look Mom, B wrote you a letter.”
He reached for the sticker decorated bottle, stuck his little finger inside, and pulled out something wonderful: a short letter he said B had sent me from heaven. Of course, I could see that T wrote this message himself, with his uneven lines and curved letters falling off the page. Yet, it was a gift “from heaven.” Just to think that T could put together something so special, for me, truly amazes me. Without revealing too much, the message simply stated something along the lines of, “….you are a good mom….from heaven…love B…” Lost it, right then, right there followed by a much-needed cry and a much-needed hug from T. After losing a child, one cannot help but wonder, “Was it me?” T helped me deal with that answer.
So powerful yet so simple, this glass bottle has become a special token in our home. Created by T, it is used to store anything he would like to say to B. It contains tiny pieces of paper, scraps of pictures….he has tried to put just about everything in this bottle! It is part of our healing process, which almost 17 months now, doesn’t seem to get all that easier. Sure, we smile and laugh, hug and cry, but the part of us that misses B just lingers.
So, we send him messages in the bottle. Everyone needs a way to communicate their feelings; this one seems to work for us. We have been through the rage and depression, there and back again, and more may come. We continue to struggle with the unknown. However, writing to B seems to bring us some peace. We hope others find their way to peace as well.