Almost two years ago, I asked T to put away all of our sandals. We were notorious for throwing them off of our feet, and letting them lie wherever they landed! T thought it would be cute to line them up, and I snapped a photo of it. When I printed it, T absolutely loved this snapshot (as did we!). He asked us to enlarge it and we obliged. It has been hanging in our hallway ever since and he seems to be attracted to it more and more lately. I know I can recall the day he set the sandals up for the picture, so I am sure he recalls it as well. It brings back the memory of B wearing his sandals, even though he couldn’t walk yet! T has a tendency of asking the notorious, “Why did B have to …” question whenever he is finished looking at photos. So, the honest response always is, “Well, we don’t know why. But, ….” It upsets me even as I write this post. A conversation like this should not exist in a normal child’s world, but, it exists in my world, and I still consider us normal. Sometimes our conversations end in tears, other times laughter. Regardless, I think we shouldn’t be afraid of these types of discussions with children. He has learned it is okay to cry, be angry, or laugh about B. Emotions are a true part of one’s soul, and young ones should be encouraged to express them. So, do we stop looking at pictures of B because we are afraid of the hurt or questions that may follow? Absolutely not. Hardships are the opportunities for one to become courageous.
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Helping Him Grieve 
I have always LOVED that picture. Great idea T!! unfortunately he does have to feel all emotions……it will help him get healed. Love u T
I think I’ve come to realize that in these discussions with my girls, I struggle the most with what’s the best thing to say. As u know they are much older and have much much more to say. Yesterday would of been Noah’s 1st birthday (had I gave birth on my due date). I knew the day was coming this month, but delibrately ignored it. My younger daughter was planning with her girlfriend to honor his day by making tshirts with puffy paint. She asked me to take her to walmart to buy the shirts and I asked her not too. I felt horrible, but I explained that I couldn’t bare it. I later felt so guilty and told her it was fine. That we could do it sometime this weekend. I just wish I was as strong as her.
I find that children, especially her age, have the strength that no adult can imagine. Your reaction is understandable; is there really anything right or wrong to say? We do not know what to say…we kind of just do what feels right at the time. Noah gave you strength, that’s why you changed your mind. I am sure he and B are soaring with the angels…
I’m so sorry for your loss. What a great photo!
http://foreverlivingjedi.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/if-a-picture-could-tell-a-story/
I wanted to share this blog with everyone…I was very touched…I also wrote a short poem for your baby….I hope you like it