Tag Archives: memorials

Light a candle.

Let us take time this season to reflect on the year,

to reflect on how those that grieve showed little fear.

Whether hearing names or looking at photos of occasions passed,

we were finally able to smile and possibly laugh at last.

Courtesy of our little angels who play among God’s side,

giving us the strength to face each day while acting as our guides.

Light a candle on December 9 and every day of the year too,

so they may look down from the heavens and see a beautiful light show all the

year through.

May our Baby B rest in peace. Play nice in God’s garden and sleep well.

We miss you so.

 

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The world of Lego pieces

The passing of B’s second Angel Date has left us simply numb, which is why this writing has taken some time to reappear. We find that time doesn’t necessarily heal, but rather, just passes. We notice T and his friends getting taller (and a little bit louder!) and B’s tree getting fuller.

Two years ago, we didn’t know what life would be at this point, missing B beyond words. Yet, strangely enough, our current situation is somewhat like T’s latest obsession: Lego’s. One purchases a set of Lego’s for a ridiculous price, builds it according to the plan, only for it to get torn apart the very next day! We planned our family with a purpose, read all the books and heard all of the advice about raising children, only to have our family torn apart. Awful.

However, remember, one can always rebuild the Lego pieces, creating something exciting and new. This is our current status. We fluctuate through all stages of grief, yet our lives continue, in a rather “okay” way. We would not have thought that two years ago. Who knows where we would’ve ended up as a family. So, we cannot say it gets better after a loss, but we can say one becomes more appreciative of time.

Savor the moments. Sit down in silence and build a new Lego city together because sometimes there are no words that need to be said. Sometimes you know exactly how the other feels.

Shadow boxes

“What do you miss most?”

The question comes up every now and then when we speak of B. My husband and I miss his hearty laugh while T misses the way B would yell from the crib. The difficult part has been how to treasure those moments as keepsakes. So, we have created shadow boxes .

We got together in B’s room and each chose some of our favorite items belonging to B. My husband chose the “old man” floppy hat and T chose some loud, obnoxious toys; I had to choose B’s socks! The child had such huge feet for a 16 month old! Thus, we took all of these items and made lovely shadow boxes. They now hang rather beautifully in B’s room. I look at every item in those boxes and I can recall an exact moment in time with B.

We have other items belonging to B that we used to create special gifts for family members, like pillows from bibs and blankets. We wanted to do a nice gesture to those who loved B most. Of course, in our families, everybody wanted more items! It is just that we couldn’t part with what little we had left of B.

God only gave us 16 good months with our boy, so we will never have his first tooth that fell out, his first day of school picture, and well, I cannot go on. That being said, we are a little selfish with the things he left behind. We treasure his first pair of shoes, the last set of dirty clothes that we never washed, his little lock of hair…

The shadow box creation was another activity that gave us time to speak with T about B, keeping the lines of communication constantly open with him and showing him our support. Creating shadow boxes can be a wonderful experience to honor those special moments in the present or moments we can now only reflect upon.

Gutter balls.

“Mom, if I bowl a strike, I’ll have good luck! If I get a gutter ball, then it’s your fault!”

“Okay then, T!” I replied, just smiling as I shrugged my shoulders. Really?! I love it when everything becomes the parents’ fault. Quite funny, if you ask me.

Yet, T made us realize that bowling somewhat reflected life. Whether you roll a strike or land in the gutter, you pick up the ball and continue to play. So relatable to life: we must continue to live no matter what is thrown at us.

Just last night, we continued to talk about our bowling outing and how B would have enjoyed it. T thought that B would have been taking every turn, whether it was his turn or not, because he was a beast! He had the rough personality and T is Mr. Sensitive. We savor these family outings, like bowling, because life can become so hectic these days. Family time has to be a priority.

As we got ready for bed, T said, “B is SO not going to let me get gutter balls again! I’m lucky because I have an angel and my friends don’t have a baby angel who will stop the gutter balls!”

Yep. That one got to me…Tears flowed…followed by a smile. Dear old dad even got teary-eyed.

May we all dream about our baby angels who watch us through life and help us avoid our “gutter balls.”

Celebrate!

“Mom, how could a flower be growing in the middle of our lawn? How come Zoey didn’t eat it?” T screams from the backyard.

It was beautiful, just beautiful! I said, “Wow! What a special gift!” T wanted to cut the flower right out of the grass, but I wanted to guard it with my dear life! How sweet to see such a pretty flower! (or, as the back of my mind was telling me, a lovely weed!) Regardless, it was pretty and captured our eyes.

When we all sat at dinner later, we discussed that it could be a gift from B. It is his birthday week and he may be telling us, “For goodness sake, I’m fine! Get out and play! Celebrate me!” We laughed and laughed. As six-year-old T says, “Good times, good times…”  (He can be such an old man sometimes!)

So, we are in good spirits right now. We are finding many little hints that B is visiting, or at least watching us! Thus, it has been fun. We hope it continues, both our laughter and B’s signs. Enjoy the signs you receive!

You will always have a seat.

The green and brown plaid high chair stood very confidently in our kitchen. One could see it from any direction of the house, and it was usually cluttered with small toys. Then, sadly, the time came when the chair sat empty. The toys remained still.

After several months, this confident high chair found a new home: seated at our dining room table. We thought, “B, you will always have a seat at our table.” T checks the high chair all the time, to make sure that the toys remained. Sometimes, this high chair is difficult to glance at. However, most days, it puts a smile on our faces. Good memories, good times. For now, it will remain there, to be celebrated, not forgotten.

As for celebrations, what would be B’s third birthday is drawing near in the next couple of weeks. Thus, we are planning our weekend getaway. We find that being alone, just the three of us, helps with our sorrow most of all. No phones ringing, no work, no reality television, no video games. Simple bonding, relaxation and reminiscing about B. For his birthday, we will do our usual of visiting him in the early morning as the cemetery opens, just so we can be there “first,” as T puts it. We will do our private traditions, then disappear for three days. We come back refreshed and ready to resume our video games and reality television, or as we say, “Life as we know it!”

Sending birthday hugs and kisses to you, Angel B.

 

 

 

Reminders.

  Some dear friends of ours surprised us this past Mother’s Day. They had adopted a flower bed at our local park and dedicated it to B. They adorned the area with colorful dragonflies and a special blue rock, named in remembrance of B. We find it has become somewhat difficult for T for visit the cemetery; we accept it and choose not to push the issue. When he feels the need, he visits with us. Otherwise, he has his own reminders of B., including the park flower bed. He requests to go to the park to see the flowerbed, then have a game of tennis…When there, he will recall funny moments we have had with B at that park and the nearby lake (such as T and B being chased by the mean geese!) Reminders like these keep B’s spirit alive for T and for us. The flowerbed  brings a smile to our faces as we spend time in the park, simply watching T run and play. Believe it or not, every so often, a dragonfly flies by us while playing there. We know who it is, and T points it out every time…